At the time, Marie \u2014 who asked to be given a pseudonym due to the sensitive nature of her story \u2014 was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She grew up predominantly in Mesa, Arizona in what she calls a \u201cbubble\u201d due to its heavy population of Latter-day Saints. Both her parents were, and still are, members of the church. Her dad\u2019s ancestors were pioneers \u2014 part of the mid-19th century movement led by Brigham Young to find a place for the LDS people to settle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Marie wasn\u2019t just a Christmas-and-Easter church-goer; she was devout, committed and involved. Church every Sunday, Mutual every Wednesday and articles of faith classes in between. All of her friends were LDS \u2014 and that was intentional.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, it was only logical that when a man entered Marie’s life, she would look to get married in the LDS Temple.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here\u2019s how the official church website<\/a> describes marriage in the temple: \u201cTemple marriage is aptly referred to as sealing because it seals a couple and family together forever.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n Divorce, in other words, is frowned upon: \u201cIf, instead of resorting to divorce, each individual will seek the comfort and well-being of his or her spouse, couples will grow in love and unity,\u201d according to the church<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Even when, as was the case with Marie’s husband, the spouse is abusive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI was told to stay married to a guy who was physically abusing me because that’s better than divorce,\u201d Marie recalled. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Marie explained that even after she legally divorced her ex-husband, she was still married to him within the church due to the binding nature of temple marriages. She had to write to the First Presidency \u2014 the president of the church and his two apostles \u2014 to get her sealing canceled and could only do so with the permission of her ex. Marie found the whole process \u201cvery outdated,\u201d \u201csexist and dehumanizing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n While Marie was grateful to have the support of her family throughout the process, she was \u201cvery, very mistreated as a member\u201d by the larger community. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe Mormon men were so rude to me about it,\u201d she said. \u201cI was told I was damaged goods to my face.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Marie left the church shortly after her divorce, about six years ago. While her experience was nothing short of traumatizing, she added the caveat that things seem to be getting better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy sister recently got divorced,\u201d she said. \u201cShe\u2019s still Mormon, but she had a bit better of an experience.\u201d Marie chalked this up to the fact that her sister lives in Washington, D.C., not Utah as Marie was during her divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Marie is currently studying marketing at the University of Utah and is a social worker at Primary Children\u2019s Hospital. She hasn\u2019t been religious for six years and plans to raise her children, if she has any, agnostic. She sometimes finds it hard living in Utah due to the religious dynamics. In fact, Marie said she even has difficulties being friends with Latter-day Saints, although she has respect for everyone: \u201cIt\u2019s like we\u2019re living in two worlds almost,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In addition to her messy divorce process, Marie cites her undergraduate studies in social work at Utah State University as another catalyst for her decision to leave the church. As she began to learn more about societal inequalities, she started questioning how the church might be perpetuating these dynamics.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe policies on gay marriage and just the way that gay people were treated in general by members are what first opened my eyes to all of it,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n\n\n\n “We believe marriage is between a man and a woman, okay? And we don’t believe in people moving in together that aren’t married.<\/em>“<\/mark><\/p>\n\u2014 Scott Tanner, official church spokesperson<\/em><\/mark><\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n Marie is referring to the church\u2019s belief<\/a>, which comes from its scriptures, that marriage should be between a husband and a wife. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s worth noting, however, that the LDS church recently backed<\/a> the Respect for Marriage Act \u2014 federal legislation that safeguards same-sex marriage as long as it doesn\u2019t infringe on religious freedom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For Marie, the church\u2019s stance on gay marriage was the first domino \u2014 women holding priesthood, which is forbidden by the church<\/a>, and sexism throughout the organization were next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Marie\u2019s departure from her faith \u2014 which was at one point so deeply intertwined with her life \u2014 is particularly dramatic. And it\u2019s only one example in a pattern of young people \u2014 millennials and Gen Z \u2014 leaving the church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gabi, who preferred to leave out her last name due to privacy concerns, graduated from Brigham Young University Idaho in 2021. <\/mark>She grew up in what she called an “extremely devout” family but started having feelings about wanting to leave the church after graduating from high school. Going to a university sponsored by the church while having religious doubts made college life difficult for Gabi: \u201cIt made me feel like I had to pretend to be someone who I wasn’t for three years.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/ascjcapstone.com\/spring-2023\/mcmccabe\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/AP22092622106511-1024x576.jpg\")
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