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BREAKING BREAD

by Sydney Nebens

When was the last time you sat down for a family meal? 

Everyone in attendance?

Was it when you were 12, and you came home from the beach after summer camp? Cozy in your pajamas, after a nice shower to wash the sand off? Someone probably barbecued, and you had a burger with extra mustard. 

Perhaps it was when you were 15, rolling your eyes because your mom made meatloaf, and all you wanted to do was absolutely not eat that, and run up to your room to get ready for the party your friend was picking you up for in 45 minutes. 

Maybe it was when you wanted takeout, but your mom responded with, “there’s food at home.”

Or was it strangely last week? Because you’re living at home again, at 23, working a full-time job from your old bedroom that’s painted pink, with butterfly decals scattered on the walls and your prom photo still framed at your bedside. You tried out that feta and tomato TikTok recipe and it was so underwhelming and quite mediocre, that you wondered how it created such a frenzy, that feta sold out in grocery stores for a moment. 

For most, strangely, it was.

***

Whether you call it supper, late-night nosh, din-din, midnight feast or plain old dinner, coming together over food is commonly thought of as a safe space to relax and unwind from the day. During the pandemic, an evening meal has become more than that : for some, it’s their only human interaction from the day. Maybe just a moment to remove themselves from their laptop screens. 

A lot of families find themselves breaking bread together more than they ever did before : no more sports practices, late night classes, work ending late. Everyone’s schedules suddenly line up, as dinner becomes the main event of a quiet, long, and monotonous day. 

***

Amy Kaplan, 52, sets the table with five placemats. She puts out the napkins, delicately places the silverware on top. She fills a pitcher with warm water and steeps 7 Lipton tea bags in it, as the warm orange color dissipates throughout. She adds ice to five Mason Jars, and sets them on the placemats accordingly. 

Dinner is served. 

“This used to be rare,” she says, of her family eating all together. “Even when all my kids were living at home, one had football until 7, or the other was at cheer practice until 8, one had to study for the ACT. We could never line up.”

This story is all too familiar. Before the pandemic, many families’ lives were so busy and bustling, that family dinner was on the back burner. Even though they wanted to gather all together at the end of a hard day, sometimes it can be more about just feeding and fueling yourself, and getting back to what it was you needed to complete, rather than actually enjoying the idea of dining with people who matter. Having meaningful conversation. 

But now, having meaningful, face-to-face conversations is all too rare. The pandemic has shifted the way we think about social interactions, and the only people most have dined with over the past year, is their families. Whether that be their family in their childhood home, just them and a single parent, or their 4 roommates who decided to try Hello Fresh, in their college apartment. 

For Amy, it’s the first. And she’s soaking up every moment of it. 

“You have to think of the positives sometimes, in a really crummy situation,” Amy said, when talking about COVID-19 and the pandemic lockdowns, “and right now my positive, what’s helping me through, is that I get another few months, another year, to have my family with me, safe, healthy and home.”

“You have to think of the positives sometimes, in a really crummy situation,” Amy said, when talking about COVID-19 and the pandemic lockdowns, “and right now my positive, what’s helping me through, is that I get another few months, another year, to have my family with me, safe, healthy and home.”

– Amy Kaplan, 52

Amy remembers a special memory – her daughter’s 17th birthday in the beginning of quarantine.

“I wanted to make it special, you know? She had just been pulled out of school, ripped from her friends and her freshman year. She was really bummed. I decided to go all out – Jon & Vinny’s takeout, pretty flowers on the table. I even did curbside pickup at Joann’s to get silk fabric as a table cloth. Usually, it would have been pretty ridiculous. But in April 2020, it was perfect.”

Many, like Amy, choose to not dwell on the negative, while doing their part to keep the people they live with as well as their community, safe.  And the word “family”, to some, doesn’t always correlate with the word “biological.”

Claire Olmstead, 22, has crafted a family of her own while away at college. While she does indulge in the occasional food delivery service (as many have during the pandemic), she makes time to sit down and eat with friends, as it’s her only social interaction of the day.

“I’ve formed a family with my friends because of the lengthy amount of time we spend together, under the same roof,” says Claire. “Usually I would be able to go and intermingle with other friends. The pandemic has increased my close friends, while distancing me from my friends that I now do not see on a regular basis.”

Claire talks about memories fondly of cooking in the kitchen with her “pandemic family,” making casseroles that can be eaten more than one day, to save time and save money with her college budget. It also feels like a piece of home — Sherman,Texas — that she can bring to this new table in sunny SoCal.

According to a study by Stanford Children’s Health, the concept of a family dinner is extremely important, especially for children and young adults. Research shows that it can lead to greater likelihood of college attendance and better grades, as well as higher-self esteem and lower rates of substance abuse.

For fraternity president Jonah Kirchmann, 21, keeping spirits high and substance abuse low, is a priority.

“I mean, I love hanging out with my roommates so much. We’re going to be spread all over the state once we graduate,” says Jonah. “But our fraternity is all spread out across different houses. Even though we test often, we rarely get to see them. It sucks, especially being fraternity president. I never know how to keep the camaraderie going. We all feel separated, and with spending time in the house too much comes really dangerous habits.”

Jonah explains that the only way he can keep spirits high, is to encourage people to bond with the people they live with, and engage in meaningful activities.

He said, “my roommates and I all work at Dominoes together, you know, as just a fun, college job. It pays the bills. And it also means we sometimes get free pizza at the end of the night- it’s a win win. We all usually get off late, sit down on the couch in our Domino’s uniforms, and eat pizza together. It feels like our own version of a family dinner, because they’re really like my family right now.” He went on to say: “Without them, I’m not really sure how I’d survive this.”

“My roommates and I all work at Dominoes together, you know, as just a fun, college job. It pays the bills. And it also means we sometimes get free pizza at the end of the night- it’s a win win. We all usually get off late, sit down on the couch in our Domino’s uniforms, and eat pizza together. It feels like our own version of a family dinner, because they’re really like my family right now.”

– Jonah Kirchmann, 21

For Jonah and his roommates, cooking and eating at home so often has led to a feeling of responsibility and adulthood. No more meal plan. The transition feels both startling to him, as childhood quickly fleets, but also has led him to feel more prepared for the “real world.”

Jonah lives about an hour from the home he grew up in (where his parents still live), but doesn’t go home often to make sure he limits exposure, to keep himself, his roommates, and his family safe.

Not every college student has the luxury of having a kitchen to cook in, though. Mackenzie Kent, 20, attends the University of Texas at Austin, and has been living in her sorority house all year. She has no kitchen, but is on a meal plan with the rest of the girls in the house.

She lives in a room with her best friend, Peyton. While Mackenzie tries to limit exposure as much as possible (keeping to her room a lot, and spending time mainly with her bubble of friends who also live in the house), meal time is the one time she can really get out of her room and see people. 

“I was nervous coming into this year because I thought there were going to be a lot of restrictions,” she said of living in the house. “But because we essentially all lived in one household when we moved in, the house became a sort of sanctuary for me. We were all eating together, every meal of the day, and living together. It was like they were a true family to me. I was able to form stronger friendships, and a lot of that happens at meal times.”

Others weren’t afforded the same luxury of being surrounded by a big household. 

Tiffany Yang, a 23-year-old food blogger, lives alone with her mother, Betty. Tiffany graduated from Chapman University at the start of the pandemic, with a degree in Public Relations and a minor in Broadcast Journalism. With a peppy and warm personality and a great passion for food, she started a food Instagram, @brekkyattiffanys, combining her passion for food, social media, and PR/journalism into one passion project. 

To save money, Tiffany moved home to live with her mom in San Jose, California. She laughs, stating that people don’t understand, but she and her mom have a very adult “roommate situation,” while coming together at nighttime, to share meals as a family. In the past, they had different schedules, spending time with friends outside the house, and coming and going at different times. The pandemic has enabled their togetherness, as well as the rare hosting of her grandmother and aunts for larger family gatherings when safe. 

Tiffany’s work is now indefinitely remote as a result of the pandemic, which gives her a lot of flexibility, and time to focus on her food influencing hobby. Tiffany used to review a lot of restaurants, but as the pandemic took over, a lot of her content shifted to at home cooking.

Tiffany’s move home, though, allowed her more than just time to focus on her food Instagram. By cooking more and more meals with her mother and grandmother, Tiffany was able to connect with her Chinese culture in a way she never had before, as they helped her create content for her Instagram while putting their own spin on it. 

“On a personal note, I would say food influencing has really helped me connect with my Asian roots. And so, I’m Chinese, but I was born in the United States, so I’ve grown up here, and my whole life I kind of, not struggled with an identity crisis, but, I’m Chinese, but I live in America, but my family is pretty westernized, so this has definitely allowed me to connect with my grandma, my older aunts, just because I go to them for recipes.”

Tiffany goes on to detail that when she is cooking Asian dishes and has her family’s traditions at hand, she feels like she has to go to them for that authentic touch. 

“When I’m shooting things like a Chinese recipe, or a Vietnamese recipe, I don’t feel comfortable just going online and looking up, like, ‘banh mi recipe,’ I’d rather go to my grandma who lived in Vietnam and China, and can give me these authentic recipes.”

“When I’m shooting things like a Chinese recipe, or a Vietnamese recipe, I don’t feel comfortable just going online and looking up, like, ‘banh mi recipe,’ I’d rather go to my grandma who lived in Vietnam and China, and can give me these authentic recipes.”

– Tiffany Yang, 23

By talking through food, and having countless meals and moments in the kitchen with her mother, grandmother, and aunts, Tiffany has not only connected even more deeply with her family, but with the traditions they pass on to her as well. 

Even though it might take a nationwide stay-at-home mandate to get a few family dinners, maybe we can remember it as just one good thing that came out of a really terrible year. Creating new traditions, passing on the old, or just having time to sit and ask your mom how her day was. 

So whether you’re breaking bread with someone perpetually & sharing intimate conversation over homemade risotto & a bottle of your favorite chardonnay, or a few DoubleDoubles from the In n Out drive through, each time you sit down together and talk about your day, they’ll feel more and more like family to you. 

Enjoy it. Bon appétit!