Ni de aquí, ni de allá

Mexicanness is hard to define because the notion of what it means to be Mexican is as diverse as the country itself.

What experiences do the indigenous Purépechas of the Southwestern mountains of Mexico share with the indigenous Mayans of the Southeastern jungles? How can you compare the lives of a suburban office worker in Monterrey with that of a fisherman in Oaxaca? Who dictates what environment is more Mexican between the loud and busy streets of Mexico City or the sunny and arid deserts of Baja California?

As with any other national identity, narrowing down Mexicanness into a single sentence is impossible. And when talking about a country of 130 million people spread across just under two million square kilometers, the task gets even more complicated.

But the concept of a shared identity begins to take shape as people start going through shared experiences; and if there is one shared experience that many Mexicans have gone through, it is migrating to the United States.

Be it by car through the 48 border checkpoints, with a suitcase on a plane or getting smuggled in through the Rio Grande, coming into the United States from Mexico is an experience that cannot be generalized. Even the reasons for crossing are as varied as the people doing it. But one thing unites them all since the beginning: The longing for a better life.

Elizabeth Hernández (Courtesy of Elizabeth Hernández)

Elizabeth Hernández is a 45-year-old woman from the small town of Huejotzingo in the Mexican state of Puebla. She's one of the over 10 million Mexican immigrants in the United States searching for a better life.

“Like every immigrant, I came here with a bag full of hope,” said Hernández.

Hernández has lived in Passaic, New Jersey since coming to the United States in 2000. She is happily married and a mother of two. Besides working on her decorating business, she is also part of Carnaval Huejotzingo-Passaic, a grassroots organization that helps Mexicans find their way to community in New Jersey, and that puts on a yearly carnival celebrating Mexican culture.

Her story is what many would call the idealized American dream. She came to the United States with the hopes of improving her quality of life and is now a business owner working to improve her diaspora community in her city. She is the epitome of the immigrant that made it. The one that left everything behind for a better life across the river.

But it wasn’t just the opportunities and success she found for herself that kept her in the United States, Hernández says she quickly realized that this decision would have an incredible impact on her children. She has two daughters who are now in their twenties. The oldest, now 27, was born in Mexico and is now working in New Jersey as an accountant while the youngest, currently 20, and born in the States goes to college majoring in finance. These are opportunities which Hernández highlights could have not been possible back home.

But as it is the case for millions of immigrants, adapting to life in the United States is not easy.

“One never really gets used to it, that's the truth,” said Hernández. “At first I wanted to go back to Mexico because I didn't know how I was going to communicate in English. Second, it's really complicated because if you don't have knowledge about the community, about where you can work, who you can rely on, it gets really complex. But through the years, you start integrating a bit into the community.”

Elizabeth Hernández with her husband and two daughters (Courtesy of Elizabeth Hernández)

This integration into American life is where the more direct influence from American culture is experienced for immigrants. But before that integration can happen, just after arriving in the United States, Mexican immigrants often seek the support from their Mexican community. Here is where for a lot of immigrants, local organizations with a focus on helping Mexican immigrants incorporate into American life are very useful.

This was the case for Avelino Rodríguez Meza, the Secretary General of Fuerza Migrante, a nationwide binational organization that focuses on helping and empowering Mexican immigrants to better acclimate to life in the United States by finding jobs, community and opportunities. The organization also promotes accurate communication, advocacy and entrepreneurship for its members and the overall Mexican immigrant community in the United States.

Avelino Rodríguez Meza (Courtesy of Avelino Rodríguez Meza)

Meza also had his start in the United States with a dream and a drive to succeed. He began by selling his IT and website development services to anyone that would take them back when he arrived in New York. Knocking doors and relying on his fellow Mexican immigrants that had formed a network of aid, he was able to find employment and a sustainable income.

“A very hard lesson for me was realizing that our community in the United States is on the defensive,” said Meza. “I understood that we are a close-knit group that functions based on trust.”

Meza says that this realization drove him to continue pursuing his found family on the other side of the river, which led him to meet Jaime Lucero, the founder of Fuerza Migrante; and ultimately his current job and career. Meza says he feels that immigrants can use the power and connections within their communities to adapt to American culture and be able to succeed more easily. But for Meza, the goal is not to completely choose one culture over another, it is to harness the best of both worlds to your advantage.

“I'm neither a gringo nor a Mexican, so then what am I? I am binational,” said Meza. “That is the recognition we need for the people that are in between the two countries. We are a different culture and we have a different thought process. I believe that migrants can be a lot more for Mexico than just ATMs.”

According to BBVA Research, Remittances from the United States generated an influx of just over $55 billion for Mexico in 2022, which translates to more than 4.3% of Mexico’s total GDP. Undocumented Mexican immigrants alone are responsible for just under $10 billion of tax revenue and over $80 billion in spending power within the United States per a report by the New American Economy. With this massive economic impact that Mexican immigrants have towards both the US and Mexican economies, Meza strongly believes that education is everything.

Juliany Aime Alcocer Ángeles is a 22-year-old Mexican woman and university student. She recently had the opportunity to intern with Mexico’s mission to the United Nations in New York City after several years of hard work and rounds of applications and interviews. She says, as millions before her, that she came to the United States with years of internalized American idealization. But living in New York for a semester while completing her internship, she started to realize that these ideas she had built up about life on this side of the river were just a facade that hid a lot of complicated issues behind them.

Juliany Aime Alcocer Ángeles (Courtesy of Juliany Alcocer)

One of the main reasons why Alcocer felt comfortable pursuing this opportunity in the United States was due to her perceived idea of gaining increased safety as a woman. She says that she quickly discovered that despite her romanization of American life, it was missing the camaraderie and bonds she had with women back home that made her feel truly safe. The dangers of walking on the street at night, the smell of poorly sanitized streets and the coldness of strangers reminded her of the wonderful things she had left back home, and made her question her idealized love towards the United States.

“Since I was little I’ve had this idealization of the United States, and I believe it is really hard to get rid of it,” said Alcocer. “I think this idealization will always live inside a little box inside my brain, but soon my critical self will come up in my mind and say ‘No! Remember all the things that happened!’ And that will remind me that not everything is pretty.”

But perhaps the biggest lesson that Alcocer took from her time in the United States was the realization that being there brought her love for Mexico and its culture to the forefront of her personality and her advocacy while in Mexico’s UN mission. She says that the distance and longing for home, combined with the community she had found in the United States turned her into an outspoken advocate for Mexico, its culture and its people. With time, this helped her notice that a lot of the self-criticism that many Mexicans have for Mexico, was often just blinded by a lack of openness to see its beauty.

“I am really disappointed to see how a lot of people are embarrassed or ashamed of our traditions and customs. The United States made me realize and tell myself “how is that possible?” There are so many people in the states that value our culture and we stump on them.”

This epiphany came to Alcocer as she was seeing the love that Americans had towards Mexican culture through her work at the UN. She says that witnessing the excitement and sheer amazement that New Yorkers had at a Day of the Dead event done by the Mexican delegation where crowds of people were lining up to have a picture with the Catrina really showed Alcocer the extent to which Mexican culture has a place in American life; Which in turn made her realize the effect American culture had on her as a Mexican.

“I do believe that Mexico is extremely culture rich, but we often don't see that… So if I could mention something that I took from the United States was that I wish we didn’t have to go from Mexico to the United States to realize that what we have at home is huge.”

Alcocer has since returned to Mexico. Although her stay in the United States was brief — just six months — she says that the complex dynamic that these two countries share, and the lived differences between both cultures that she got to experience was able to leave a lasting impression on her. She further mentioned that she returned to Mexico with a present need to value her culture and to advocate for widespread awareness about it; not only within Mexico but all around the world.

Juliany Aime Alcocer Ángeles (Courtesy of Juliany Alcocer)

Despite her increased awareness of the flaws and shortcomings of American life and culture, that little metaphorical box containing an idealized version of the United States that she continues to hold is not unique to her. In fact, every source contacted for this story alluded to something similar, a sense that their preconceived ideas about the United States remained, even if just in a little corner of their brain.

Alcocer says that this conflict between idealization, reality and self-perception was one of the driving forces behind the tangible impact that the United States and its culture had on her Mexican identity. Being able to uncover a deeper connection with Mexicanness through the trials and tribulations of being foreign in the United States.

This feeling is something that echoes with Nicolás Medina Mora, a 32-year-old journalist from Mexico City. After finishing high school, he moved to the United States to study a BA in Humanities from Yale. Besides the great appeal of studying in an academically renowned environment, one of the appeals of making the trip north was to get away from his life in Mexico. His father, Eduardo Medina Mora, was a Justice for Mexico’s Supreme Court from 2015 until his resignation in 2019 following a corruption scandal. His father’s high profile job cost Mora a lot of freedom and anonymity in his life. With constant death threats to his family — requiring him to always have bodyguards — he wanted to have a fresh start in an environment where his past and status were not as present. So he took the scholarship Yale offered him and moved to New Haven, Connecticut to start up his career.

Nicolás Medina Mora (Courtesy of Nicolás Medina Mora)

As the months went on, he began to adapt to American life, learning as much as he could from the country’s history, its people and culture. He learned to play Delta Blues on his guitar, he can recite lines from American poems of every decade since 1850, he has visited 38 of the 50 states and he developed opinions on the best barbeques in the country — with his favorite being from North Carolina, followed closely by Kansas City’s. Yet none of this could get him to incorporate just right.

“My relationship with the United States is one of huge disappointment,” said Mora. “Because when you come to the United States and decide to stay, you need to transform yourself entirely. You have to become an American. It's not forced or anything, it is just the inertia.”

Mora says that he quickly realized that the relationship between Mexico and the United States was certainly one sided. He had to learn all of this to adapt, but there was no reciprocity from any of his peers in learning more about Mexico. He says he also understood that his experience was privileged. That a lot of the comfort he felt in the United States and the understanding he was shown by a lot of Americans came from the fact that he was the “ideal” immigrant: An educated, white, heterosexual male that came to the United States to study.

His perceived comfort changed drastically after the election of Donald Trump as president in 2016. After seeing MAGA lawn flags and hearing a lot of conservative talking points surrounding immigration, the vulnerability and essence of his Mexican identity became more apparent.

“I think I realized I was Mexican in the United States with Trump. Little by little I began to understand that things I thought were just a quirk of my personality were actually just cultural traits.”

Nicolás Medina Mora (Courtesy of UDG)

This awareness about the way that Mexico had shaped him and his identity was made more visible to him through his experiences in the United States, especially after Trump was elected. Mora says that was when he discovered that regardless of where he came from and how much he tried to adapt to American society, he would always fall short of being American.

“There is nothing more Mexican than going to the United States and having that disappointment. I think that is what it means to be Mexican.”

The unbalanced power dynamic between the United States and Mexico has always existed, and the idealized vision of America that it creates for Mexican immigrants is a direct product of it. But it is through experiencing America that several Mexican immigrants can challenge and denounce the preconceived pedestal they hold the United States in. But perhaps the biggest effect that the United States and American culture has on Mexican immigrants is catalyzing that rekindling with their love and passion for Mexico.

Or as Juliany Alcocer puts it: “[Living in the United States] made me remember and value my country, because the comparisons made between the United States and Mexico are abysmal. But I managed to make the gap really small, because I realized that we have things in Mexico that they don't have there… It [especially] really helped me value how in Mexico we have a very different notion of life, a bit more romantic.”

It is this romantic approach to life that helps a lot of immigrants maintain themselves — and their Mexicanness — alive during the excruciatingly complex and dynamic journey that is migrating to the United States.

The power of the “Mexican immigrant in America” experience is something that Avelino Meza agrees with. He also believes that living in the United States can make Mexicans realize the beauty of their country and themselves.

“Migrating in general is frustrating,” said Meza. “But whoever makes the decision to do it develops a new ability to not only be empathetic with the community, but to also strengthen their character to be able to say ‘I can do this.’”

This strength to not only live but to thrive and transcend seems to be a driving force for a huge portion of Mexicans, that against all odds, decide to come to a country where their identity is frequently misunderstood — and often despised — due to years of misrepresentation and prejudice.

Although at times the American Dream is unsuccessful or the ideal situation just does not work out and immigrants decide to journey back to Mexico, the strength, knowledge and perseverance that Meza says one acquires through the immigration journey can in itself change one’s life by giving it a newfound sense of purpose.

This journey not only shows Mexicans that in fact, as Alcocer mentions, the grass back home has always had its own blooms and flowers to be proud of, but just like it happened to Elizabeth Hernández, it also shows them that their Mexican roots and journey have given them the tools they need to make a better life for themselves.

“I’ve felt like a peacock,” said Hernández. “Coming from being someone who had no education, that only managed to get to middle school, and that nowadays is able to have a positive impact for my Huejotzingo community; I do truly feel blessed.”

Although Hernández’ experience is just one of many stories that make up the immigrant experience, it stands as a testament of the symbiotic relationship that is created between Mexico and the United States within an immigrant's identity.

But perhaps the only true uniting factor between all these stories and experiences is the fact that they reveal the true meaning and individuality of being Mexican. Or even more than that.

As Nicolás Medina Mora pointed out by quoting Octavio Paz’ poem titled Sunstone, “So I can be, I have to be the other, be outside of me, search for myself amongst the others.”

It is through leaving everything behind to live in the United States with its romanticized idealization that lead Hernández, Meza, Alcocer and Mora to the realization that after living in the United States, their Mexicanness was no longer intact.

"I think that is one of the Mexican experiences that influence everyone,” said Mora. “Finding out that to your disappointment and disgrace, you are not a gringo, you are something else. And that something has to do with Catholicism, Spanish and with being wiser yet weaker than those who are truly in power.”

That unique identity Mora talks about is what being a Mexican immigrant in the United States offers for the individuality of the migrants. A kind of augmented Mexicanness that although coming with its extensive list of challenges, opens new doors and perspectives.

The inherent traits they brought from Mexico mix with those found in their home to create a new Mexican identity that is neither from here nor there — ni de aquí, ni de allá. Their Mexicanness becomes something new that unites them all in its uniqueness, which regardless of being attained through different experiences and means, is connected through their shared navigation of being an other in a country that despite idealizing, has historically underestimated them since day one.

The experiences highlighted in this article are but a sliver of the wide range of different lives that Mexican immigrants have lived — and are living — in the United States. But their insights into the ways that American culture influences Mexican identity are representative of the increasingly interconnected relationship between the two countries. They emphasize that perhaps Mexico’s beauty and the drive to showcase and improve it lives inside every Mexican, and a jump across the river only seems to make that clearer.