It is no secret to anybody that we live in a digitized age. In an era dominated by the simultaneously contrarian ideas of constant access to everyone you know, curation of the self for secondary perception and a loneliness that underlies a lot of online communication, it is difficult to make the space for hanging out together in person.
But Parks, having suffered the losses of friendships from the pandemic, is more motivated now because of it to host and build up his community. Parks met folks in his adventuring party on a study abroad trip and confessed to not knowing each other all too well before. “We were kind of just acquaintances, we had a couple meet-ups leading up to our first D&D session, where it was still kind of awkward.” At a restaurant hanging out, they realised they weren’t really having a lot of fun.
“So I think, Ivan, he’s the DM, actually brought up that he plays D&D. He has a couple of groups that he plays with, and most of us had either played it before [and] all of us had wanted to play it. And it was well, why don’t we just start a group? I mean, we’re all here. We all have time to meet up, so why don’t we start doing a game together?”
Living in close quarters with a lot of your fellow party members generally also helps with being able to play often. Riddle, who lives in the same place as Halsted and Ramirez, shared the priceless lessons of community she’s learnt from her group.
Parks also shares this idea of growing with the party, and thinks the group is more comfortable with each other now. “It helped us to kind of broaden our horizons and get to know each other a lot more intimately in the sense that we could see each other doing our best to immerse ourselves into these scenarios, and we got to see a side of ourselves that we wouldn’t normally get to see doing hangouts at a restaurant or something like that.”
He acknowledges that there are difficulties with scheduling for sure, where some members cannot make it for a couple hours either end of the session sometimes, but thinks their comfort level having grown allows them to do other activities.
“We’ll do something else outside of D&D, we’ll play board games or like just last weekend actually we went to the mall together just to hang out. And so it’s definitely strengthened that relationship, our bonds to the point where we feel like a really tight knit friend group, even outside of doing the role play.”
But even if it’s limited to the very act of gathering for D&D, there is something to say for that community. Back in WeHo, Pelaez shared a recent reflection with the group about the communal aspect of D&D. “Once a week, it’s like church. I remember telling TJ, I was like, this feels like church, you guys break bread every Sunday and then tell a story, that’s amazing.” Maybe the church never expected the new church to be the previously Satan-worshipper-branded Dungeons & Dragons community but the evidence speaks for itself.
Riddle offered context considering they’re majorly a group of queer 20-something-year olds. “No, because church is not necessarily a space that any of us occupy by choice anymore. [D&D] does fill that like community space. And we help each other.” Ramirez jokes that Sunday mornings are the easiest time when everybody’s free. “[Others] are like, ‘Well, somebody’s at church.’ And I’m like, ‘I’m playing D&D. I’m rolling dice. Thank you.’” Pelaez brings up what spurred their D&D church revelation.
“I remember one time I was listening to Shane from Buzzfeed talking about how every day of the week, he would get with his friends and go to Denny’s, and he’s like this is what church is for people. And I’m like, yeah, what is church if not just getting with people you love and eating.”
Ramirez adds another perspective taking into account that though the church no longer fulfils a role in their life, it did for their ancestors. “You know, I feel that way when it comes to my grandparents – like how I need therapy to check in once a week and feel good about myself, I need somebody to be like, no, that’s a lot, and you’re okay; I think for my grandpa, prayer. You know what I mean? That’s their version of ‘Somebody’s telling me that everything’s okay if I do these things, and then I can keep existing’. And I’m like, oh, okay, okay, okay, yeah, that’s what’s happening.”
To see a conversation move so beautifully through these deep ideas might be slightly off-putting considering only twenty minutes ago, the party was in session riding a giant dragon from the L.A. River to Six Flags Magic Mountain after catching a magic carp. But the immersion in storyline is intrinsic to the time being spent together here. Ramirez highlights the true value-add of being together.
“I think I’m just really grateful for community when it’s really easy to spend time getting caught up in having a job and making money and just existing in capitalism as we all complain about all the time. But getting to tell a story and to live through these characters, I think is a free way to make life feel so much more expansive than it does, or to know that you have something inside yourself other than what serves other people and making money. Because other things that you do, do that – like when I try to learn archery or take a dance class, that costs me $40, $50.”
“But spending time with my loved ones is free and priceless, and so I appreciate that. It’s a way of building community that costs me truly nothing and feels like the world.”
Night has just begun in Chino Hills and it is starting to get nippy. As I ask Nolan what he’s looking forward to in the future with regards to playing D&D, we are interrupted by an impromptu rendition of The Silent Night from his adventuring party back inside the house. We can’t help but laugh. That little display of soulfulness might have dispelled any warm predictions of wanting to create more memories with the gang, because Nolan has quite a simpler goal in mind – he is looking forward to just finishing a campaign.
“I’ve never actually finished one. I have about nine or so characters that I’ve started and just have not been able to finish. Even one shot campaigns have ended up being multiple, multiple sessions that just kind of die out. So, specifically I think probably finishing a campaign, seeing it through start to finish and saying I actually completed one.”
Apollo bursts through the door with ferocious barks of love – they’ve been apart too long! – and I know my time is up. We head back into the house to play (Nolan) and watch (myself) their latest campaign and see new obstacles unfold across battles between the light and the dark, Apollo leading the way. The unsaid warm sentiment rings clear, predictions not needed because it’s already true: this game is the party, and the party is the game.
