This is only one person’s struggle with an eating disorder. Catie’s experience is hers and hers alone–they do not represent anyone else who might be dealing with similar problems. However, if you or someone you know is struggling with symptoms relating to an eating disorder, please see the resources below and know that there is always help available.❤️
NATIONAL EATING DISORDER ASSOCIATION
Academy for Eating Disorders
CATCHING UP WITH CATIE TURNER SINCE LEAVING AMERICAN IDOL
Inside the squeaky cabinets of the place where she’s crashing, there are a few vegan tortillas, pesto sauce and a pack of blueberries. Except, that’s not what Catie Turner sees at all. Instead, each piece of food is just a number.
Everything around her, in fact, is a number. If it’s a piece of food, it’s the number of calories. If it’s an activity, the number represents the calories she can burn off by doing it. Sound exhausting?
For Catie, it is. And this isn’t the story of how a 19-year-old aspiring singer-songwriter battled and overcame something. This is the story of what she struggles with every day.
In the year since she finished in the Top 7 of ABC’s American Idol, Catie has launched her career, making major moves in Los Angeles where she’s sleeping on a friend’s couch. She has been writing, releasing two singles to major streaming success, and went on a nationwide tour.
Catie also has been dealing with something else — an eating disorder.
She stresses constantly about being in a caloric deficit, pressures herself to eat no more than two daily meals, binges, purges, and worries about what she’ll eat the next day.
Catie battles with a wide range of mental-health struggles regarding food, and describes herself as having EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified).
Normally, you might hear this story after the fact. The story would be phrased, “‘So and so battled this and came out stronger on the other side.”’ But the reality is that Catie is one of the 30 million people in the U.S. suffering from an eating disorder right now.
“When you’re in the public eye, people can comment on the weight loss and your body and you can get validation and it kind of can get out of hand quickly,” Catie says. “Being on a national television show, people can comment on how you look or you can just re-watch it over and over and kind of send you into a dark place.”
It’s a day-to-day, minute-to-minute struggle. Even walking around the grocery store is nothing but a mad dash to find the zero-calorie vegan spray cheese that only serves to enable her mind to feel comfortable with her calorie intake for the day.
Catie tries to find healing in writing her own music, especially while she’s away from home.
For Catie, that’s Langhorne, Penn, where she was born at the turn of the century. It’s a quiet, suburban community with trains waiting to take passengers to more adventure. Growing up, Catie kept mostly to herself in her room. As her mom Cathy Turner would describe it, she seemed to go straight from her bedroom to the limelight.
“She went from being sheltered to being on a national television program. And I think that made people want to reach out and give her a hug,” Cathy says.
It was Catie’s lyrics that first captured the internet’s attention. Strumming her acoustic guitar for Katy Perry, Lionel Richie and Luke Bryan, Catie wailed against the pressures that modern media and society place on girls her age.
It’s an honest message that still hits close to home for Catie and the legion of fans she’s acquired since her audition first aired (racking up nearly 5 million views on YouTube and over 1 million streams on Spotify alone).
“People on the airwaves always preach who I should be. How to dress, how to talk baby, how to breathe. Wicked artists use their limber fingers to paint pictures of what young girls are to aspire to be.”
-Catie Turner, 21st Century Machine
These lyrics were only the tip of the iceberg in terms of Catie releasing herself into her music. Since revealing the truth about her struggles, Catie says she now feels the freedom to be totally honest in her lyrics.
“My music has definitely changed since I’ve been open because now I can be more honest in my songs without having to hear, ‘Wait, what, what is she talking about?’” Catie says. “I can actually articulate everything I want to say in a song and have it sound exactly how I feel.”
BELOW ARE A SELECTION OF CATIE’S DEMOS THAT SHE WROTE IN THE MONTHS SINCE MOVING TO LOS ANGELES. HOVER OVER EACH PICTURE TO READ ABOUT THE SONG AND THEN PRESS PLAY ON THE DEMO BELOW.
CUT TIES
A LITTLE MORE TIME
BREATHE
WAR
Catie says even in writing sessions, the elephant in the room is now gone. She can be totally open about her problems and use that to move forward.
Even 3,000 miles away, Catie’s support system is strong. She talks with her mom five times a day, reaches out to her friend Tim whenever she needs to, and texts her boyfriend, Dylan, on the hour.
Catie and Dylan are a match made in Heaven. They share a passion for niche internet memes and a genuine joy for spending time together. Dylan is her most frequent point of contact, and he praises Catie for the message she sends to the fans who look up to her.
“I think it’s interesting because a lot of artists don’t consider the fans their friends. However, Catie is very sincere and genuine with everyone who supports her,” Dylan said. “A lot of people maybe can actually learn from that and feel more comfortable to speak out and realize that they have a support system.”
While she’s away from home, Catie makes it clear that she’s anything but alone. She has two co-managers, Josh Wood and Cory Anderson, who Catie says have the task of handling more than her career.
“You have to manage my whole life, which means they’re going to have to manage the bad stuff that comes with it too,” Catie says. “I was very scared that I’d be punished for that but they’ve been very loving and they just want you to succeed. And to succeed, I need to be healthy.”
For Cory, supporting and nurturing Catie is priority No. 1 over any career moves.
“Of course Catie and I have a business relationship, but her well-being comes first,” Cory says. “I come to her first and make sure she’s comfortable with any work we have lined up. If she’s not, it’s off the table. No questions asked.”
Still, as Catie admits, battling this at the same time she launches her music career is difficult, to say the least. Most days she’s in writing and recording sessions from afternoon until midnight or later. Some days are spent prepping for small shows around Los Angeles. Other days are consumed by planning promotional materials and setting up meetings with new writers and producers.
I don’t want to start with an inpatient treatment center, Catie says. This would require almost all of Catie’s time and leave her no room for writing, recording or anything else. Instead, Catie is taking everything one day at a time, entering therapy and learning to cope with her environment in a more healthy way.
For Catie’s mom, it’s a difficult process.
“It’s scarier than shit,” Cathy says. “I am completely freaked out, but it’s because she’s 19-years-old and she’s in Hollywood. We are living three thousand miles apart, and the fact of the matter is that I can’t fix all the problems. She’s got to …… she’s got to travel this one a little bit by herself and that makes me crazy as a mother.”
It’d be easy to call it all quits. Cathy admits that, as a mother, if Catie decided tomorrow this wasn’t for her and gave up living in Los Angeles, she’d be more than happy just to have her daughter back home.
Regardless, Catie knows her role and her love for music is bigger than any eating disorder. When asked how she can be so open about all of this, she thinks back to her younger self, scrolling through social media in her bedroom.
“I guess I never had that,” Catie says. “I feel like I never had a voice and I feel like maybe it would have been nice if I saw someone like me. Somebody open about being normal about struggles.”
Even through all this, Catie’s personality sticks with her. Her quick-wit and ability to turn any awkward moment into a hilarious memory is part of what endears her not only to her friends and family but an army of young girls online.
They look up to her and they support her through everything. In the midst of this battle, she wants them to know there’s hope on the other side.
As for what’s next on the agenda? On the music side, Catie wants to release her debut EP, but admits it’s hard to narrow down the songs to a limited set with so many new ideas coming to her.
In terms of her personal battle?
“I want to eat a piece of pizza and not freak out,” Catie says.
-Catie Turner, Prom Queen
“It’s OK, it’s OK, I’ll convince myself it’s overrated anyway. It’s OK, it’s alright, the jealousy in my bones won’t rattle tonight. Cause I wanna be somebody to someone, but it all is starting to blur like a dream.”